i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She bit a glass in half.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
