You're completely useless in the revolution.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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