Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
