there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
