he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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