I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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