What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
