Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize