Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
