Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
