There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
