end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
