You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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