The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
