I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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