it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
