I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
