Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
