I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
