My nipple is on Facebook.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
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I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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