I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
