ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Do you still have your period?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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