So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
