I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
