im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
