girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
