problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i came on her dog
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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