I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I didn't notice because vodka
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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