somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
