I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Randomize
