I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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