so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you didnt know i had herpes?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
