I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
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relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize