why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize