haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
