I'm gonna have a badass scar
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
