Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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