Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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