He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
