I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
