last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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