Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
