gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
