WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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