who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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