No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
