I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
