he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
