Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
