too bad you live with your parents still
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
