Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
