it wasn't lemon gatorade
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
