is your mom at the bar?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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