Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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