The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
