my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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