i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize