I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
