I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
