If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
