I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
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Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
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In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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