No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
