Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
