Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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