a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
