he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
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nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
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Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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