this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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