if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
