I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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