I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
