btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
