trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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