She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
