that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Found the puke drawer
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
