when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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