i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize