what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
