And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
