you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Someone signed my nipple.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
