there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
