My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
