hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
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It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
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Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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