The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
