it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
