yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
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I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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